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ANNOUNCER: Now we take you live to the ballroom of the (name of your place) for the 37th Anniversary of everyone’s favorite voice of the night: Guy Godfry and the Guy Godfry show. Featuring Danny O’Dennis. Little Mary Allegany. The Sven Hoop-en-fer-ber Orchestra. The Guy Godfry show is brought to you by Bunny Bagels. The wholesome bagels in wheat, rye, raisin or un-levin. Also brought to you by; Uncle Morty’s “Nice for Nosh” Kosher Pickles. The Kosher pickle you can’t pass-over. And now, here’s your host.. Guy Godfry!

Guy is reading through index cards, does not seem to be aware of introduction.

VOICE FROM BACK: We’ve got Dead Air people. Cue Guy!!

ANNOUNCER: And here is your host... Guy Godfry!!

Mary and Danny run to stage.

DANNY: We just wanted to take a moment of silence there and reflect. Didn’t we Guy?

GUY: What’s that?

MARY: We sure did Danny. It’s hard to imagine this show has been on the air for thirty seven years. When you stop and think about it Danny, it almost leaves you speechless, doesn’t it Guy?

GUY: There’s roast beef sauce on my cards!

DANNY: Speaking of “ON”...

MARY: You can feel the excitement in the “AIR”.

DANNY: Yes Mary, not only ‘in the air’ but “ON the AIR.”

GUY: (as if from a trance) Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Mid-America and all the cars on the highways and byways. This is Guy Godfry, a voice in the night. With me as usual is Danny O’Dennis.

DANNY: Hey, hey, hey! What do you say?

GUY: And little Mary Allegany.

MARY: It’s little ol’ me with a Great Big Hello!

DANNY: Can you believe it Guy? Thirty-seven years?

GUY: How’s that?

DANNY: I say, thirty-seven years ago today, your show first hit the air-waves. Do you remember that first day?

GUY: First day? Why sure, Larry. I remember it like it was my first day. I was fresh in town from the quad cities. I had been doing the Farm report at a little station in Rock Island. Hogs are up and corn is down or corn is up and hogs are down. You know, that sort of nonsense. “Hayseed” news we called it. But reporting malarkey like that all day would drive a man koo-koo. Next thing you know, you’re out planting rutabaga’s and rhubarb, wondering how grasshopper’s can spit tobacco...

MARY: And so you ended up here..

DANNY: At W-E.Z.Y.

GUY: Why sure. I heard they were looking for someone to babble for a few hours, I knew I was the Joe for the job. I could talk for hours about nothing and make it sound like something. From the time the “On the Air” sign went on to the second it went off. I could talk non-stop. And you know...

(pause as if anticipated him to say more)

MARY: Uh.. you sure did.. (simultaneous with Danny)

DANNY: Yes, you could talk..

GUY: ..you know, our station is not like these fly by night deals whose format changes like my uncles’ socks. It’s a rock and roll station, no it’s a country and western station, no it’s a talk radio station, no it’s a sports radio station, no it’s a rock and roll station. But our station, our station has always been the same Larry.

MARY: It sure has.

DANNY: And how.

GUY: Oh sure, I had my phases through the years. We had the amateur hour for a while and the variety show and the cooking show, but it was always the same. We may have had our
differences but...they were always the same.

DANNY: They sure were.

MARY: And how.

GUY: Right you are Larry.

MARY: Actually, it’s Mary sir.

GUY: Of course, Mary. Mary. I know that. Larry used to do the traffic and weather way back when.

DANNY: And speaking of ‘way back when.’ You know, Bunny Bagels has long been a sponsor of this show.

MARY: That’s right Danny. The Bunny Bagel Boy has paid many visits to our show.

DANNY: Why, I think I see him now Mary.

MARY: Why yes, Danny. There he is!

DANNY: (reads from card) You know Guy, Little Mary, Bunny Bagels were born in Boise.

MARY: Boise? Oh Boy!

DANNY: The bread is brewed and baked between buttery biscuit boilers.

MARY: Between buttery biscuit boilers? The bread for the bagels is baked?

DANNY: You betcha.

MARY: But bagels are not like biscuits or buttery baked breads.

DANNY: Bunny Bagels are not like basic bagels.

MARY: Because...

JOHNNY: Bunny Bagels are Bigger!

DANNY: Bingo! Bunny Bagel Boy!

MARY: Now let’s take a Bunny Bagel break and we’ll be right back!

ANNIE: (listening in headset) And three, two, O.K. we are clear.

GUY: I believe I asked for some water?!

JOHNNY: I’m not doing Bunny Bagel Boy anymore! It’s too hot in this thing.

ANNIE: Can we get Mr. Godfry his water?

MARY: I’ll get the water. (exits)

JOHNNY: Why do I have to dress like a bunny? We’re on the radio for crying out loud?

GUY: Where’s the water Larry?

DANNY: I’ll get him some water. (exits to back/bar area)

JOHNNY: I mean, O.K. If we were on TV, I could see the Bunny thing but...

GUY: Tell that to Edgar Bergen.

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