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Murder Me Sample

Excerpt From Murder Me Always"©

Scene: The Amateur Production has finally gotten underway after a rocky start. Suddenly Gun shots are heard offstage:

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HENRY: (running on) Good Lord! Mr. Swanwillow has been poisoned!! Somebody do
something! Uh..uh..(pulls out script) ..Oh! Call an ambulance!!

FRITZ: (enters) Henry!! Henry stop!!

HENRY: Mr. Swanwallow is dead he...(seeing Fritz) Wait a second! You shouldn't be out here! You're supposed to be dead!

FRITZ: Ladies and gentlemen! I'm afraid there's been a tragedy!!

HENRY: (consulting script) I'm quite certain you should be dead!

FRITZ: Our director..that sweet girl..has been killed! Shot!

(Mamet rises from audience.)

MAMET: Pardon me, excuse me. etc..

FRITZ: Oh good!! Are you a doctor sir? Please, right this way! (leads Mamet to doorway) Right out here on the stairway. You see? It's awful. (Mamet exits) I don't know what to do! I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, I'm not sure we can continue!

HENRY: I'm afraid I'm really lost! I don't see Any of this in here Anywhere!

FRITZ: Everything was going so well! This really is a cute little play! Of all the Murder Mysteries I have done, this is surely...one of them. The director was such a dear friend of mine. Of course, she had a temper and demanded too much of her actors, but I say that with all due respect. I..I really don't know what we should do now!

HENRY: Well, for one thing, you're supposed to be Dead! Then I come on and say you were poisoned. See?(shows script) It's right here! And then, from out of nowhere, a policeman arrives! He walks out here and he's suppose to say; "Everyone remain calm. Everything is under control!".

MAMET:(enters) Everyone remain calm. Everything is under control! Could I have all the actors in here please?!

FRITZ: Is the director...is she all right?

MAMET: I'm afraid a slug in the head has a capacity to leave you less than "All right". (shouts the following toward off-stage) Johnson! Masters! I want the body outlined and everything dusted for prints! Call HQ and tell 'em our situation! Get forensic on the ball with this! Get WeeGee to take pictures of everything! Oh yea, most important! Save me a couple of those Glazed numbers and Long Johns! We're gunna be here for a while!

FRITZ: Excuse me, may I ask Who you are? And who are those people out there?

MAMET: Detective Mamet. Special agent with the Alcohol Theater and Firearms division. (flashes badge) Those people out there are undercover agents.

FRITZ: Undercover agents?

MAMET: You got it pal! We've been stakin' out your audience because we were afraid somethin' like this would happen. Now, be a good sport and get all your people in here for me. Thanks!

FRITZ: But..but..

MAMET: Just do it Mac! I'll fill ya in later. But first, I gotta be sure none of the actors make the Big Exit, O.K.? Oh, see if the kitchen back there can brew up a pot of Java for me, will ya? Thanks.

(Fritz exits)

MAMET: Sorry ladies and gents, but I'll need you all to linger a bit longer. We got a serious situation here. There's a million stories in the naked county and this..

HENRY: What page are you on?

MAMET: Page? I ain't on no page, pops! We're on the Big stage now! The real deal. The curtain's down and the Fat lady sang. You got me? A coupla gun shots grinded this show to a halt like a eighteen-wheeler at a twenty-four hour truck stop. You comprende?
You capice?

HENRY: No, I'm Henry. Who are you supposed to be?

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