Some Show Script Sample

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Some Show Sample

Sample From SOME SHOW

SCENE: Ricky & Nicki have begun their talk show and introduced a few guests. They have just brought out Celeste Ethereal who is a New Age Guru.

RICKY: O.K. Our next guest has been called the Princess of the New Age new agers. She's an astrologer, a psychic, a druid and a certified public accountant.

NICKIE: And she has a new talk show debuting on the Chakra Cable Network. Please welcome..

RICKY: The lovely and talented..

NICKIE: Celeste Ethereal!!!

Celeste enters and sits

RICKY: Welcome to the show Celeste!

NICKIE: Or is it Mrs. Ethereal?

CELESTE: No, Celeste is fine. Let me say it's a very moving experience for me to be there this evening. To feel the energy in this room! The positive vibrations! The love.

RICKY: So, you can actually feel "energy" in the room? The "Vibrations"?

CELESTE: Oh yes. Many vibrations.

SHECKY: Hey, I tell you what, I was feeling 'vibrations' too but I thought it was just the furnace kickin' on. Either that or that three bean salad I had earlier.

NICKIE: So tell us about your show Celeste.

CELESTE: Well, it will be a Physic talk show.

SHECKY: What, you sit around and read each others minds?

CELESTE: You're an amusing man with a beautiful aura. No, what I plan to do is 'channel' spirits from the elysian fields to speak through me. And in the talk show format, what I plan to do is have celebrity guests from the great beyond and interview them.

RICKY: Really? Dead celebrities? Wow! Who might we expect to hear from?

CELESTE: Well, I have connections with Dizzy Gillespie. Paul Lynd and Waylon Flowers and Madame.

RICKY: Could you bring one of them up now?

CELESTE: Now? You mean, right now? Well, I don't really know if the conditions are right.

SHECKY: What do you need babe? Some incense? A lava lamp? I think Edie may have a mood ring if you need it.

CELESTE: No, I need time to connect to the 'spirit plane'. Sometimes it takes hours just to get a good connection. I can't just snap my fingers and bring someone up. It takes a great deal of meditation.

PHOEBE: Meditation? You mean, Medication! You new age people are just a bunch of hopped-up hippies!

RICKY: Now that was uncalled for Mrs. St. Self.

CELESTE: Yes, Mrs. St. Self, you don't need to be a negative vibe merchant. The attending spirits around you don't like it.

PHOEBE: I don't like it either. I don't like any of this. This hocus pocus is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo.

EDIE: No it ain't! Shecky and me called up the Physic friends on night and Diana Warwick told us we'd be 'making a major decision soon' and it all came true.

RICKY: And what was this 'major decision'?

EDIE: I can't decide. Either it was where we decided on doing our own talk show or when we decided to cut dairy from our diet.

SHECKY: Cuttin' the dairy was tough, let me tell ya. I can't milk the jokes like I used too. Like where this Guy walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc I got this terrible problem. I can't remember anything for more than a coupla seconds." Doctors says, "How long have you had this problem?" The guy says, "What problem?"

(Celeste closes eyes and lets forth a moan)

SHECKY:(playing off moan) What, you didn't like that one? Guy walks into a bar holding a platypus..

PHOEBE: (stands) Pardon me, but I wish to leave. This is a show I no longer wish to be a part of.

RICKIE: My goodness Mrs. St. Self, you just ended your sentence in a preposition. Come now, have we no decency?

PHOEBE: I most certainly did no such thing.

RICKIE: Oh I insist. You said 'no longer wish to be a PART OF."

EDIE: Yea. I heard it. She did say "Part of." Cause I heard part of that.

PHOEBE: As if you would know proper grammar you dizzy lounge heathen!

EDIE: (stands) Hey June Clever! Who you calling Dizzy?

CELESTE: Oh no. The hostility fumes are upsetting my sentinel cherubs.

PHOEBE: I thought these was a decent respectable show. But now I see it's nothing more than a pathetic side show like all the others!

NICKIE: If the respectability factor is too low for you, you are more than welcome to take your Saintly Self and respectfully remove it from the stage! Or as we low-life working women say, "Don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you!"

RICKY: Nickie!

NICKIE: If this is what staying at home and making "cozy's" for your toaster does for you, if this is what you become, then I'm glad I'm here tonight!

PHOEBE: Well, I'm not! This whole show is a Joke!

SHECKY: Joke? A Grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey! You know we got a drink named after you.!" Grasshopper says, "Really? You gotta drink named Murray?"

PHOEBE: You see! You have no control! No decorum. This isn't a talk show! It's more like.. a barroom brawl!

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